Whats Wrong?

I am blogging after 4 years. Tried and failed earlier, every time i opened a page, I would blank out. Later, I graduated to a line and a half but never managed to complete the post. Then why today, why now?..Or should I say what's wrong?..Maybe its everything thats happening these days.. I realised that I need to vent. No, not about my insane working hours, my spoilt client who never appreciates anything, the 4.5 hours of travelling everyday - Those things kill me at the end of the day.I do all that for a measely salary which gets over before the 10th of every month.But I still wake up every morning and drag myself to work..I don’t need to blog for that; my cigarettes are doing a fine job.
So, what's wrong?..Last night I cried! No, last night wasn’t any worse than the night before, but I bawled. I always thought that weak people cry. And i never took myself to be weak. Never. But somehow I felt lonely, super lonely. I had always thought that crying has its perks. Instant attention, post crying lightness, gifts, make up sex.. But thats when you cry in front of someone (special I guess, women tend to believe that for make-up sex). When you cry alone, you come out of the room with a red face, embarrassed as hell, angry with yourself and later murderous when people pester you for reasons. Somehow people don’t get the simple fact that if you are crying alone, you don’t want them to know. Duh!. I also realized that if you are single crying isn’t a great therapy. You are single, you sit in your balcony all alone, think about all the good old times and to make matters worse your ex-favourite song is playing somewhere and then something happens...You realize that you have started crying. Then you are upset, and later tired and fall off to sleep..Alone. So the net result is that you aren’t getting a shoulder. No one is around, you hate bothering your friends coz your upset.. So technically at that moment no one cares. So why cry at all. Yeah..hmm..ummm..Right..
If you pontificate, you know that single life is not bad at all. Like all your other fteijnds in a relationship you won’t be happy now and sad later. Isn’t that great? You know that if you are going to be with someone, there will be the initial euphoria which will eventually die later. Then the craving for that someone will start. The empty bed will bother you. You will want his good night hug and his good morning smile. And you won’t get it. That’s bad, right? On the brighter side, when you are alone, you sleep alone and wake up alone. You wish yourself goodnight and flash yourself that good morning smile.
But guess what the good news is that it will not change. Here, you are not depending on some half-witted moron to make or break your day. Coz it’s you, we’re talking about. Just you.
So, the choice will always be yours – either you cry and sigh over your single state or be happy and live it. You know its imperfect, it’s kind of crazy, it’s depressing and very lonely at times – but it’s your life.